I have so many different things going on in my life right now with a range of all emotions possible. Some of them mesh and plenty of them contradict each other. I am overwhelmed with so many different feelings and thoughts I can't clear the noise in my head.
I have decided to go back to a Crossfit class today. Crossfit East Oahu opened up and is only a 15 min bike ride from my house, which is GREAT! (Considering I have no other means of transportation)
I haven't been to Crossfit in MONTHS, much less worked out basically at all. I am terrified at how hard I know it's going to be.
Bryant Powers from Crossfit Oahu (www.crossfitoahu.com) said something in one of his classes that I try to remember. "We have hundreds of days to workout, don't try to do it all today."
I did Crossfit back in Los Angeles when I lived there. I haven't really been able to afford it or find the time to do it since I moved to Hawaii in 2009. I think about it EVERY day and how much I miss it. It's hard to explain Crossfit and it's overwhelming addiction unless you're involved. But I'm addicted. I "drank the kool-aid" and I'm hooked.
I feel like, in a lot of things in my life not just Crossfit, that I have made a lot of excuses for my lack of strength, or speed of improvement, or overall weakness. This time around... NO EXCUSES.
Maybe I will have my usual knee or back pain. Maybe I didn't eat or drink enough. Maybe I ate too much. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I have one of the millions of other excuses that we all come up with or feel, espcially in the midst of a Crossfit WOD.. But I've decided here and now that I am just going to *DO MY BEST*
That's it.
My Best.
For today.
That will be different every day because our bodies are always changing, adjusting, healing, etc. But whatever that means today I will do. If it means even modifying the beginner WOD, or only doing half of it, that's fine.
I have hundreds of days to workout.... Why overdo it because I am afraid. (And btw, I am afraid that no only will I feel like dying.. But I won't be even close to where I was when I left off Crosffiting over a year and a half ago. I have to start over. That's scary and hard and sad. But I am going to do it, and do it better than I did before.) Just do my best for today. And do the same thing tomorrow. And every day after that.
So.. NO EXCUSES. I will do the best I can.. today.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thoughts.
I recently was given some advice from a trusted friend of mine.
"If you punish the current for what has happened in the past you'll never move past it".
Makes sense...Right? You can't dwell on the past. Forgiveness, although a completely selfish act, is necessary for 2 people to move forward in life together. We have all done things in our pasts we regret, wish we could take back or we just maybe didn't know better at the time. That's part of the process of growing and learning and maturing. This process, I believe, happens until you die. I don't think you ever get to a point that you "have it all figured out" or "know everything".
If there's one thing that I've learned in my 27, almost 28 (YIKES!), years of life, it's that wisdom does come with age and experience. Just when you think you have it all figured out, everything changes. When your a teen, and for some even into your 20's, you think you know EVERYTHING. You've got yourself and the whole world all figured out. When I was 16/17 I though as soon as I graduate I am moving to Hawaii. I will rent a studio, get a job and live my life. To a 16 year old that seems totally possible.... even without ANY savings, or bank account to speak of. No credit lines or established credit. No current job or lottery winnings banked up. I'll just do it. Clearly, once the realization of how much it would cost just to ship my car, which was about $400 at that time, was already WAY beyond any amount of money I had ever spent on anything, reality set it and I didn't "know everything" because I didn't know how to -survive- on my own without my mom and dad paying for everything.
At 18 I got an older boyfriend, moved out of my moms house, and got a good job with a lot of responsibility. I was forced to grow up and mature very quickly.. and I did. I loved it. I loved becoming an adult, and I still do. (I must be weird because I am the only person I know who enjoys getting older. Every year is an experience and part of life. I look forward to 30, 40, 50, 60,.. even 90!!) At about 23 I realized.. WOW.... I can't believe how ignorant I was at 17. I had no idea there was so much more to learn and more ways I could grow as I got older. At 25 I looked back at 23 and though WOW.. Life is amazing and I am starting to see that there is SO much that I didn't know, and couldn't even know existed. This still continues today as I learn and grow.
People always told me you really grow up in your early to mid 20's and find out who you are, but I didn't really believe that. Through all these years though, I thought even though I was learning so much about people, and life, I always thought I knew who *I* was. *I* was a stable thing in the ever changing environment. *I* had it all together... And I was just learning about the world.
But looking back..I am nothing like I was at 25, ... or 23... and definitely not at 17!
Growing and changing is part of all of our paths. It's a must. Some people stick with you through this and some don't. And that's ok.. Because we all have our own paths.
My friends advice to not let the past ruin the current makes a lot of sense. We are ever changing and growing as people, as a culture, as a world.
.....But when does the past become too much to continue on in the present. When do you know that the negatives in the past will just keep happening.. And that is just because that is where the other persons path is at right now. When do I step out of the equation, let their path evolve, and continue on down my own road. Definitely not an easy answer there. And probably not a right or wrong answer either.
I think we all face these challenges every day. In our friendships, relationships, work places, etc. Do your best to forgive. Stand by the people you love and that love you. And *always* respect yourself.
"If you punish the current for what has happened in the past you'll never move past it".
Makes sense...Right? You can't dwell on the past. Forgiveness, although a completely selfish act, is necessary for 2 people to move forward in life together. We have all done things in our pasts we regret, wish we could take back or we just maybe didn't know better at the time. That's part of the process of growing and learning and maturing. This process, I believe, happens until you die. I don't think you ever get to a point that you "have it all figured out" or "know everything".
If there's one thing that I've learned in my 27, almost 28 (YIKES!), years of life, it's that wisdom does come with age and experience. Just when you think you have it all figured out, everything changes. When your a teen, and for some even into your 20's, you think you know EVERYTHING. You've got yourself and the whole world all figured out. When I was 16/17 I though as soon as I graduate I am moving to Hawaii. I will rent a studio, get a job and live my life. To a 16 year old that seems totally possible.... even without ANY savings, or bank account to speak of. No credit lines or established credit. No current job or lottery winnings banked up. I'll just do it. Clearly, once the realization of how much it would cost just to ship my car, which was about $400 at that time, was already WAY beyond any amount of money I had ever spent on anything, reality set it and I didn't "know everything" because I didn't know how to -survive- on my own without my mom and dad paying for everything.
At 18 I got an older boyfriend, moved out of my moms house, and got a good job with a lot of responsibility. I was forced to grow up and mature very quickly.. and I did. I loved it. I loved becoming an adult, and I still do. (I must be weird because I am the only person I know who enjoys getting older. Every year is an experience and part of life. I look forward to 30, 40, 50, 60,.. even 90!!) At about 23 I realized.. WOW.... I can't believe how ignorant I was at 17. I had no idea there was so much more to learn and more ways I could grow as I got older. At 25 I looked back at 23 and though WOW.. Life is amazing and I am starting to see that there is SO much that I didn't know, and couldn't even know existed. This still continues today as I learn and grow.
People always told me you really grow up in your early to mid 20's and find out who you are, but I didn't really believe that. Through all these years though, I thought even though I was learning so much about people, and life, I always thought I knew who *I* was. *I* was a stable thing in the ever changing environment. *I* had it all together... And I was just learning about the world.
But looking back..I am nothing like I was at 25, ... or 23... and definitely not at 17!
Growing and changing is part of all of our paths. It's a must. Some people stick with you through this and some don't. And that's ok.. Because we all have our own paths.
My friends advice to not let the past ruin the current makes a lot of sense. We are ever changing and growing as people, as a culture, as a world.
.....But when does the past become too much to continue on in the present. When do you know that the negatives in the past will just keep happening.. And that is just because that is where the other persons path is at right now. When do I step out of the equation, let their path evolve, and continue on down my own road. Definitely not an easy answer there. And probably not a right or wrong answer either.
I think we all face these challenges every day. In our friendships, relationships, work places, etc. Do your best to forgive. Stand by the people you love and that love you. And *always* respect yourself.
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