No excuses.

I have so many different things going on in my life right now with a range of all emotions possible. Some of them mesh and plenty of them contradict each other. I am overwhelmed with so many different feelings and thoughts I can't clear the noise in my head.

I have decided to go back to a Crossfit class today. Crossfit East Oahu opened up and is only a 15 min bike ride from my house, which is GREAT! (Considering I have no other means of transportation)

I haven't been to Crossfit in MONTHS, much less worked out basically at all. I am terrified at how hard I know it's going to be.

Bryant Powers from Crossfit Oahu (www.crossfitoahu.com) said something in one of his classes that I try to remember. "We have hundreds of days to workout, don't try to do it all today."

I did Crossfit back in Los Angeles when I lived there. I haven't really been able to afford it or find the time to do it since I moved to Hawaii in 2009. I think about it EVERY day and how much I miss it. It's hard to explain Crossfit and it's overwhelming addiction unless you're involved. But I'm addicted. I "drank the kool-aid" and I'm hooked.

I feel like, in a lot of things in my life not just Crossfit, that I have made a lot of excuses for my lack of strength, or speed of improvement, or overall weakness. This time around... NO EXCUSES.

Maybe I will have my usual knee or back pain. Maybe I didn't eat or drink enough. Maybe I ate too much. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I have one of the millions of other excuses that we all come up with or feel, espcially in the midst of a Crossfit WOD.. But I've decided here and now that I am just going to *DO MY BEST*

That's it.

My Best.

For today.

That will be different every day because our bodies are always changing, adjusting, healing, etc. But whatever that means today I will do. If it means even modifying the beginner WOD, or only doing half of it, that's fine.

I have hundreds of days to workout.... Why overdo it because I am afraid. (And btw, I am afraid that no only will I feel like dying.. But I won't be even close to where I was when I left off Crosffiting over a year and a half ago. I have to start over. That's scary and hard and sad. But I am going to do it, and do it better than I did before.) Just do my best for today. And do the same thing tomorrow. And every day after that.

So.. NO EXCUSES. I will do the best I can.. today.

Thoughts.

I recently was given some advice from a trusted friend of mine.

"If you punish the current for what has happened in the past you'll never move past it".

Makes sense...Right? You can't dwell on the past. Forgiveness, although a completely selfish act, is necessary for 2 people to move forward in life together. We have all done things in our pasts we regret, wish we could take back or we just maybe didn't know better at the time. That's part of the process of growing and learning and maturing. This process, I believe, happens until you die. I don't think you ever get to a point that you "have it all figured out" or "know everything".

If there's one thing that I've learned in my 27, almost 28 (YIKES!), years of life, it's that wisdom does come with age and experience. Just when you think you have it all figured out, everything changes. When your a teen, and for some even into your 20's, you think you know EVERYTHING. You've got yourself and the whole world all figured out. When I was 16/17 I though as soon as I graduate I am moving to Hawaii. I will rent a studio, get a job and live my life. To a 16 year old that seems totally possible.... even without ANY savings, or bank account to speak of. No credit lines or established credit. No current job or lottery winnings banked up. I'll just do it. Clearly, once the realization of how much it would cost just to ship my car, which was about $400 at that time, was already WAY beyond any amount of money I had ever spent on anything, reality set it and I didn't "know everything" because I didn't know how to -survive- on my own without my mom and dad paying for everything.

At 18 I got an older boyfriend, moved out of my moms house, and got a good job with a lot of responsibility. I was forced to grow up and mature very quickly.. and I did. I loved it. I loved becoming an adult, and I still do. (I must be weird because I am the only person I know who enjoys getting older. Every year is an experience and part of life. I look forward to 30, 40, 50, 60,.. even 90!!) At about 23 I realized.. WOW.... I can't believe how ignorant I was at 17. I had no idea there was so much more to learn and more ways I could grow as I got older. At 25 I looked back at 23 and though WOW.. Life is amazing and I am starting to see that there is SO much that I didn't know, and couldn't even know existed. This still continues today as I learn and grow.

People always told me you really grow up in your early to mid 20's and find out who you are, but I didn't really believe that. Through all these years though, I thought even though I was learning so much about people, and life, I always thought I knew who *I* was. *I* was a stable thing in the ever changing environment. *I* had it all together... And I was just learning about the world.

But looking back..I am nothing like I was at 25, ... or 23... and definitely not at 17!

Growing and changing is part of all of our paths. It's a must. Some people stick with you through this and some don't. And that's ok.. Because we all have our own paths.

My friends advice to not let the past ruin the current makes a lot of sense. We are ever changing and growing as people, as a culture, as a world.

.....But when does the past become too much to continue on in the present. When do you know that the negatives in the past will just keep happening.. And that is just because that is where the other persons path is at right now. When do I step out of the equation, let their path evolve, and continue on down my own road.  Definitely not an easy answer there. And probably not a right or wrong answer either.

I think we all face these challenges every day. In our friendships, relationships, work places, etc. Do your best to forgive. Stand by the people you love and that love you. And *always* respect yourself.

Tsunami.

Although we are a few days after a tsunami here in Hawaii, I am writing about my thoughts on the event and the day after. It took me a few days to have the time and to put my thoughts together.

Around 9pm on March 10, 2011 we heard there was a 8.9 earthquake in japan. Living in Hawaii you quickly realize that earthquakes in certain places around us cause a tsunami threat here. 8.9 is a huge quake, but pics and video hadn't been posted yet.  We weren't really sure of the extent of the threat. 
We turned on the news and tried to find videos online. They kept talking about how terrible it was. Having lived in Northridge for the '94 earthquake which was about a 7.0 I can only imagine what an 8.9 would be like. Nothing short of life changing.. That's for sure.

We heard it had caused a tsunami on another part of japan that was super close, but again couldn't see any pics or video just yet. The news acted like they really weren't 100% sure of how bad the tsunami would be or if there would even be one. They expected something though. They decided at 9:55pm they would sound the alarm sirens all over the island.. This was in hopes that people who didn't watch TV or just hadn't heard that they would check some TV or radio before they went to bed and in evacuations zones they could get out early. The tsunami was expected at 3am. The alarms went off and right then the mood changed. 

 

A silence kinda came over the island. Just an eerie feeling when you hear those sirens, one by one down each valley going off. And one by one stopping a few minutes later but still echoing deep into the valleys.

Although we were at sea level and only about a half mile inland we weren't sure what to do. We have had tsunami warnings before.. But nothing happened. A part of me wants to say nothings gonna happen again. We wont get hit by a major tsunami.. We won't die.. That can't happen... 

We decided to set an alarm around 2am, an hour before it is supposed to hit, and go to sleep. My cousin was visiting from Washigton and I sent him a text letting him know he was safe at my house and on high enough ground and not to be scared by the sirens. He wrote me back that his girlfriends brother insisted they evacuate and go to his place immediately. Then the phone lines went out. No more contact at that point.  

Off to sleep we went. 

 

At 1am we wake up and decide to check the news. The tsunami had just hit midway atoll, which is about half the distance between Hawaii and japan, but not on the middle, off to the side. It hit there with 8 foot waves. That made this all seem real. 8 foot waves of a tsunami are not the fun, breaking, barreling, surfing waves we all love... It's a wall of water, traveling towards us at about 500miles per hour and 8 feet of that wall are above sea level. The rest is below. It hits land at 500 mph.. And pushes water onto land with such intesity, only a few inches of the water can knock you off your feet. Likely to be followed by 2-3 more huge waves. 

 

This was scary. We decided to evacuate to my house and just at that time the fire department was in front of our house telling us to leave immediately. My boyfriend and I got into his truck and his brother in his car following and off we went to my safe house to go back to sleep because we were oh so tired!

Only a mile down the road, the road was closed. We had to circle back to Kuliouou valley and drive as far up as we could and park. And wait. 

 

It was a particularly cold night for Hawaii. And it was rainy. We hadn't brought much thinking we would be safe and have everything we needed at my place. I used 3 dirty towels to attempt to keep warm while I wiggled around in the front seat of a small truck. Kona laid in the back which had a camper over it, but you couldn't close it so It was too cold to me back there. Jeremy slept in his comfy car, knowing no matter what happened he would have to be at work ar 6:30 am.. So he was going to get all the sleep he could!

Radio didn't work very well and the stations we got were talking about a lot of crap and dumb call in questions. 

Waiting and waiting, wondering what's going on. What should we do. What's gonna happen. Cold and tired and so badly just wanting to be in bed! 

Finally it was almost 3am... It had only been about an hour and a half but it felt like days I was sitting in the car. 3am... We can't see or hear anything so we are just wondering what to do. Radio and Facebook posts were saying the water was receding at a very rapid rate to a very low tide, which was said to be lower than they could test for. Reef was exposed, marinas draining out.. Weird things happening.  

We still questioned going back home.. This was our sleepiness talking of course. If the fire department told us to leave then we should leave. Because if something did happen and we needed help not only are we going to look stupid for not listening, but now they may have to put themselves in danger to save us. That would be embarrassing. 

So we stayed put. Kept hearing the water was receding and rising and receding and rising.. But no major damage or anything. Things seemed to be settling down and around 4:45am we decided to head back home. 

Still a very weird silence everywhere. But we got home and were asleep before our heads hit the pillows. 

 

We woke up at 8am and turned on the news and started contacting family an friends. Seemed like we were in the clear. Apparently some damage to big island. Some harbors and marinas but nothing major, nothing even remotely close to japan. And no casualties. 

Kona and I were supposed to work that day but really weren't sure what to do. Schools closed, businesses were still closed, the island was still in shock and fearful. But it was a beautifully sunny day.. First day in a while with sunny skies.

We headed over towards sandys.. And it was closed. Makapu'u.. Closed. All beaches.. Closed. Water looked pretty dirty in Maunalua Bay. And the tide was strangely low. We went to go look for some whales at Halona blowhole and just observe. There was a painful sad energy in the air. Tour buses were pulling though there like any other day. Tourists making a pit stop to see the blowhole, but the air was full of sorrow.  Hawaii is a main vacation spot for Japanese.. We quickly realized how they might be feeling. They are here on vacation in paradise.. While their friends and family are suffering, hurt, missing, or worse. Their own homes might be ruined.. But there's nothing they can do. Flights aren't going back there yet.. Phones probably don't work. They aren't going to sit in their hotel and sulk or wait.. So they go on with their scheduled day.. But with an aura of pain and sadness that spreads to us all. 

We decide to grab some lunch and then decide what to do with our day ...which was go for a swim. A dip in the ocean is like nothing else. Wash away your pain and sorrows and makes you feel good and rejuvenated. We went down to cockroach cove and there were quite a few people there, families and kids who were off school.. playing in the water almost like nothing happened. Tide looked extra low but we jumped in anyways. Within 5 min the tide had rose about 5 feet and changed the whole look of the beach and where the waves were breaking an everything. It was so weird I just stood back and watched while Kona was body surfing. He would catch a few waves and then in minutes they would be breaking 10 feet up on the beach. Then minutes later back by him. I'm no water or tide expert but I knew this wasn't normal. We didn't stay long. Everything felt strange. 

We decided we wanted to take the rest of the day to relax and to be thankful for what didn't happen here and that we were all safe and OK. Thinking of all the lives affected in japan.. We are so lucky. Also after a long night a nap was needed. Sleep away this sad day. 

 

We woke up and decided to go watch the sunset at the beach park. Immediately noticing the rough water and waves in places that never had waves before. The tide was still rising. Quickly. There was seaweed, coral and junk all over the park that had been brought up by the ocean the night before. It didn't belong there and just showed that the ocean can do crazy things if she wants to. She's in control, not us. A few minutes later we noticed calm water, reef showing and a sandbar. The tide was quickly going out. For the next hour this is what it did. Drastically changing every few minutes, while we prepped fronds, talked story with Kona's sister and met some nice people around the beach. The vibe of the day finally started to change. Families togethers, met a young boy interested in the art of weaving and traded with him some help to clean up our rubbish for a coconut bowl that will last him a life time, and met a sweet old lady and her dog who frequent this beach park for their daily outings :)

 

The day ended with such an appreciation for life.. And more particularly, our own lives. We are beyond lucky to have all that we have. We have enough. Everybody is always wanting more, but we all have enough. Family, friends, love and life. What else could you need?

The Good Life...

I am feeling a lot of different emotions and I am not sure how to put them into words. All day I felt like writing something but didn't really have the time or access to a computer. I can write on my phone but its much harder and I have trouble getting my thoughts together trying to write so much with such a small key board.

I had a wonderful, productive, positive day and wanted to write a blog update and call it "The Good Life". A friend of mine used that as a video title and I saw a sticker on someones car today that said that and it inspired me. The Good Life. Think about that for a second. What does that mean? Obviously it's very different for each person, which I actually think is a fantastic thing. If we all wanted the exact same things, that 'thing' would be over worked, over used, trashed and crowded. Today for me included many of the things that are on my list of what is a -good life- to me. Sunshine, a breeze, rain, sand, ocean, beaches, weaving, meeting happy people, spending time with someone I love, home cooked breakfast in bed, iced coffee :), lunch with friends, making money, watching the sunset and more. I am so lucky. How many people get to experience so many wonderful things in one day! And I get a good majority of those EVERY day. Wow.

I am not complaining, but as I sit down here in front of my computer to write, I felt like I couldn't write a whole post on "The Good Life". I have a strange feeling around me. I wanted to write about insecurities, then trust, then lifestyles and then I even looked up the 7 deadly sins for some weird reason (also weird that I couldn't name them all off the top of my head) thinking that one of those would inspire me to write about one of those things.. None of them really did, yet all of them did as a whole. Good to think about each of those things and see how each one of them plays a role in my life. We all would like to think that none of them do, and definitely not all of them, but in all honesty, most of us are guilty of a few of those at least once a day.
Here they are.. anger, greed, sloth, pride, lust envy and gluttony.
Yikes. Anger. That's definitely one that comes up often in most people lives.

Ok. Here's what I want to say. To anyone reading this, including myself.
BE who you ARE.  Just like the 'good life' is different for each person, so is who we are and what we're about and how our life is. Realize that you are different than those around you. And it's ok. We don't want to be all alike. Boring! Rich, poor, big, small, tall, short, busy, lazy, etc etc etc. Live your life the way YOU want to live it and be happy doing it. Don't do anything to please other people, because they most likely aren't living their life to please you. Stand up for your beliefs, do what makes you happy, find a job you are passionate about, love, share, be kind.. and don't be jealous. You are the one that makes your life what it is, so if you aren't happy with something, then change it. You can have anything you want and do anything you want in this world. Find someone who loves you for exactly who you are, faults and all. Love them for who they are too. And find a way to share this short and never promised life together.

Find a way to live your Good Life... and live it just for you!

Living the simple life..

I wrote a blog update a few days ago while I was on the bus. I emailed it to myself 

and am just now getting around to posting it. After a little editing... and removal 

of a few things.. here it is.

"I find it so strange that people cannot relax and enjoy the simple parts of 
life. The free things that are worth so much more than money can buy. Like 
watching the sunset, or even better.. The sunrise:) laying on the warm sand at 
the beach, going for a swim in the ocean... Even just seeing the ocean! Loving 
someone.. And showing them that love u feel, being loved and receiving that love 
from someone. Spending time with people you love in any way, spouse, family, friends 
etc. These things are the most valuable things life has to offer in my opinion. 
I am shocked at how many people don't appreciate them.. Or even worse, 
understand them. 

It makes me all the more aware and appreciative of those things in my life and 
when I get to experience them, feel them, or share them. I am trying to 
get..keep..have my life in a position to experience those things every day. It's 
not always easy but I won't give up trying. 


I was recently told by a few people to get a 9-5 job. I laughed. I know that's 
what society pushes us to do.. But wow do I disagree! That to me sounds like a 
pretty shitty life. I only get to live once. And the days, months, years seem to 
by flying by and only getting faster and faster! I experienced a whole lot in my 
life living in LA.. And stuff that has tremendously helped me become who I am 
and what I believe in an how I want to live my life, but I feel like I missed 
out on this life I have now and I wish I had moved sooner. I don't want to waste 
more time not enjoying my life. I know there are so many people who don't 
understand why I do what I do or want what I want.. I wish they did. But that's 
ok. It is what it is and I just hope everyone strives for a better life and 
finds it.. Whatever it is for them. 


I challenge anyone reading this to take a night this week and watch the sunrise 
or sunset (depending on your schedule) Make the time. If you're close 
enough to an ocean to watch it there, do that. If not find a good spot where u 
will see it soonest if it's rising or longest if its setting. Relax. Meditate. 
Breathe. And enjoy what this universe give us for FREE every day!!! 

Live Aloha"

Funny I wrote this before. Because last night I experienced the greatest, most beautiful and amazing sunset I have ever seen in my life. I have seen pictures of colors in the sky at the sunset that were so bright and vibrant that I didn't think it was a real pic. I was positive it had been edited. Last night made me believe they were real. We had a stormy and cloudy day, no sun all rain. It started to clear up and the sky was so clean and crisp. I could tell it was going to be a good sunset. It was better than good. I don't even have words to describe it. The pictures that I posted don't do justice, but give a good idea.

 

I was lucky enough to spend it with someone very special to me :) Who appreciated it as much as I did.

 

Also..on a side note.. I have completed my Paleo challenge. Had a couple cheat bites and meals when my sister was visiting, but overall did great! It sure wasn't easy a lot of the time, and still I have people criticizing and doubting what I am doing.. But the proof is there. The numbers don't lie. I think I look better and feel better than I have in months.. if not years! Although I will indulge a little bit more than I did in that 60 days, I definitely plan on staying paleo and hoping my cravings for the foods that aren't good for me go away so that I don't even want them anymore.

 

Woohoooo my favorite pair of lululemons fit me again ;)

 

Aloha!

Money Money Money

Money is such the topic of discussion these days! Nobody has it, everybody wants it, or definitely wants more of it. But most people aren't really willing to do very much about it and they just want to sit there and complain and not try that hard and count on family or friends and dig themselves deeper and deeper into a hole. This is not good.

A few years ago when the economic situation drastically changed, I don't think people knew what exactly was coming down the road.. No one did I guess. Here were are today with gas prices almost at $4 per gallon, the housing market in a terrible position, people in tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars of debt. Most people can't afford to buy a house these days, even though the prices are on the lower end of the scale. It's sad and pretty pathetic actually.

I am part of this group of people, so please don't think I am putting anyone down or acting like I have figured it all out, because I haven't. And I have made plenty of mistakes along the way.

My generation, the 20-somethings, has been brought up very differently than my parents or their parents. Money is VERY different these days. Most people who own a house have had to sell it in order to survive, or are seriously thinking about selling it. Their debt is adding, which is not something they were brought up to do. Using a credit card used to be embarrassing! (Man, I wish times were still like that) People live WAY outside of their means, and don't care at all!! They stress and stress about their bills, and then go out and eat dinner for 2 at $100. Uhhh... hello?! What are you thinking?

My generation wasn't taught the money traits that our parents or grandparents knew and followed. And the generations after me.. My god. I am terrified. People just think money grows on trees. I don't know if America is worse than any other country, but I would venture to say that it's pretty close to being the worst at finances.. Just seeing how America is run and how they don't seem to care much at all for peoples well being. Everything here is about making money, and they don't give a f*** what it does to the people. These pharmaceutical companies basically running our food and medical system.. makes me sick. Let's not even get started with that topic!

I moved to Hawai'i a year ago to follow my dream. My dream was to live in Hawai'i and work on a boat. That is exactly what I did. I got a job on a dive boat and was a deck hand and snorkel instructor and all that good stuff. It was AWESOME! I woke up every day unbelievably happy and ready to live the most amazing life. Pretty quickly that job, which wasn't full time, wasn't getting close to paying the bills. The prices of things here are similar to Los Angeles, where I am from, but food is defnitely MUCH more expensive. And contrary to popular belief, getting fresh and local meat, fruit and veggies here isn't easy or cheap at all. I had to look for extra work.. and since then I have been in the hustle every day looking for every little opportunity to make some cash.

I found myself working jobs that made me extremely unhappy, to the point of being depressed and it was affecting me and my relationships as well. It sucked, to put it bluntly.  I remember the days when I first moved here and was "living my dream". There has to be a way that that can happen.. right? I mean.. this is America, land of opportunity! Where's my opportunities!?

I had two options.. Just like everyone else has these same two options.

1. Decrease the size of my dreams to fit into the financial budget that I had.
OR
2. Increase my finances to support my dreams!

Clearly.... I want option #2.

I don't need millions of dollars to live the lifestyle I want. I am happy living a simple life. I realized living here that I don't need fancy things or nice cars or expensive clothes. Simplicity is the way to go and makes me so much happier anyways. But, I would like to buy a house someday, and raise a family, and pay off my debt, and basically just live comfortably. This will require more than a deck hand paycheck of mayyyyybe $1600/month.

I keep seeing people struggling, saying they will do whatever it takes to make some money, but that's it. They "say" it.

I have been lucky enough to find a company that believes exactly what I do... Increase your finances to fit your dream. BUT... you dream has to be big enough and you have to want it badly enough. My dream is to fully enjoy the Hawaiian lifestyle I have chosen. Soak up the sun, swim in the ocean, work on a boat, hike, paddle, watch the sunrise and sunset, and so on. For me.. This is big enough. I don't want to be unhappy any more! I don't want to  live a life "working for the man". Same job, average pay, same thing every day for the rest of my life, with "the man" controlling my hours, days, schedule, time off, vacations, etc. No thanks.. not for me.

I've stopped trying to look for jobs. I am an independent business owner and I know I will be successful, because my dream is big enough to make me motivated, and happy, to put in the work to get there. In the meantime, I work a lot, but that's okay. I have hundred and hundreds of days left in my life.. :)

I wish other people would put there dreams at importance to and find a way to get out of the struggle. I can help if you would like :) My mentors and team are amazing and together I know we are going to do amazing things. Anybody I have ever met, know, or come into contact with I want to share this opportunity because it helps us all. I want to help you get to your dreams just like I want to get to mine.

I know one thing for sure.. You need some money to live and be happy... Not millions, but some. And there are people around me that I love and care about who may need my help someday.. if not yesterday.. And I want to be able to be there for them and not have it hinder my own life.

So here I am, on this path of fulfilling my dreams. You can follow me here and see how it is going, or you can join me and reach your dreams too. :)

CRAB

I have has steamed crab legs two days in a row, I am a lucky girl!!! I love them, even more than lobster I think. Very glad those are paleo :)

Well, for some reason I am back to my normal tiredness all day. The days I felt great, which was for about a week straight, I was in the sun all day every one of those days. The sun really affects me a lot, and I for sure need more of it :) Probably should check into a few other things that could be going on as well.

Made some great bacon wrapped scallops the other night, and also put about 10lbs of pork butt in the crock pot yesterday and made plenty good pulled pork, which I plan on eating for dinner for the next 4 nights in a row :)

I don't want to add fruit into my diet because of the sugar (I do have a little every now and then) but I guess I should start eating more, or so I have been told.

I am only about a week into my new business now, but I am so motivated and feel like I am starting on the right path. I definitely need more time in my schedule to put into this work.. But I have to get it going a little before I can cut back on other jobs. I did do my first back to back tour of Diamond Head the other day. 5:45am and then again at 9:15am.. Good for me to keep moving.. and boy did those stairs burn the 2nd time around! Had lots of good people with me though and made some great tips :D

Excited for the last 30 days of this Paleo Challenge and to see what my final numbers are :)

Will keep ya posted!